Fellow Doodle Kissers,
Thank you so much for your unwavering support.
After finally coming to grips with the fact that I am not going to be able to come back from the millionth-of-one-percent vote total I am receiving after 99% of precincts have reported... I made the call. I called to congratulate President-elect Obama on his victory. Unfortunately I never got through. I heard David Axelrod in the background saying "Who's this Clark Pearson guy? He kisses Doodles? Is that slang for something???"
I've learned a lot in this campaign. It has made me a better man in many ways. I've learned that Doodles really don't turn out to vote. Those that do have a hard time with touch screen voting machines. And in my own home state where we vote by mail, the mailmen refuse to accept mail from dogs. Who knew the feud was this bitter? Can't we all just get along???
I have learned that, although it's my favorite, a giant afro might not be my best look. At least now, I see I have many VERY attractive options in hair styles. I have learned that to Doodles, a little inter-species love is no big deal. In hindsight, I can see that I miscalculated on the affect that this would have on their owners. For this, I blame myself. I should have known that I should try to appeal to the owners as well. They are the ones with thumbs, cars, and a written language after all. I assumed that since Doodles are so gracious, their owners would be too.
I have been put back in touch with my Norwegian Hairless relatives that I thought only existed in Norse Mythology. I have seen a water feature statue of myself that was only suitable for all-ages viewing from one very specific angle. I heard numerous inane things being said by a talking bald bobble-head doll. Adina gently told me it was a recording of me... and yes, I really do sound like that. She then told me that one of her committees has been working on fixing that for some time.
I am so thankful for the unwavering support of my beautiful wife Adina. She has been with me through the ups and downs. The long days and sleepless nights. She has reassured me that she will continue with her volunteer committee and 'cabinet' posts indefinitely. She even mentioned doubling the size of the committee to find and mitigate personal flaws in the (non)President. She mentioned something about ironing out the wrinkles for next time. Isn't she great?
I want to extend a special thanks to all of you. When all was said and done... we laughed, we cried... it WAS a triumph!
God bless Doodle Kisses. And God bless America!