An Official Message From Our Hero Clark Pearson!
Fellow Doodle Kissers!
I would like to thank all of you for bestowing upon me this great honor. I am humbled. You restore my hope in the voters of this world. A world where people have the right to buy their doodles from expensive breeders or adopt one from their local rescue. A world where a good day IS Photoshopping funny pictures for posting on the web. For this I thank you.
Some have asked me what a Clark Pearson presidency would look like. Well, I'm afraid the productivity of this nation might decrease. About that fact, I must be honest with you. But the quality of life would increase dramatically! That is what all of us want! We would be posting cute pictures and commenting on inane discussions many times daily. We would be happier than at any time in our nations history.
That is where my opponent just doesn't get it. He thinks that all of you want to increase the GDP and reduce the trade deficit. Ha! He is completely out of touch with the people he wants to represent. He has not given us a plan to be happy! He just wants all of us to be more productive... like robots!
As for the horrible charges in my opponent constantly negative campaign... the event in question happened a long time ago (when I was in my early twenties!) and I was simply trying to help push that sheep through the fence. It's really that simple. I will have no further comment on the matter as I am running a positive campaign.
My loving and supportive wife Adina has already volunteered to be the chairperson of several committees as well as fill a crucial cabinet position. When I look at the candidates for these positions, I can see no person better qualified than her.
The committees she has volunteered for are:
-Chairperson of the committee to find and mitigate personal flaws in the President.
-Chairperson of the committee to write and maintain the daily to-do list of the President.
She has also volunteered for one cabinet position for which she is extremely qualified:
-Chief of staff for repetitive verbal reminders of tasks specified by the daily to-do list committee.
I have great faith in Adina's ability to fully execute these positions. How do I know she will succeed? Well... to give you a brief glimpse into our personal life, she has been doing these tasks ON A VOLUNTEER BASIS for me for years! She truly is a gifted and giving woman.
In closing I would be proud and honored to represent you. I will continue to encourage humorous anecdotes AND snarky comments on Doodle Kisses. I seek you for you the best quality of life possible.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
God bless Doodle Kisses... And God bless America (and maybe Canada too...)!